Ceaseless Praise

Confessions of a Perfectionist

2012-02-24T21:10:00.000-05:00

Perfectionists – we know who weare. The drive. The "must-get-it-right." The comparing. The ache.

It surfacedearly in my life –around age 4. According to a story my dad told, my youngerbrother had cut his head and required stitches. Shortly after that, I also cutmy head and needed stitches. My question after the ordeal: “Did I do betterthan Adam?”

Even then, I felt the driveto be “good enough.” It grew stronger as I grew older, climaxing in my early teenyears. I realized then that I couldn't reach my high standard. Iwasn’t pretty enough, social enough, or confidentenough. Worthless. Worthless. The word burned.

How could I be loved if I wasn't good enough?

I didn't say much to anyone about the inner turmoil. But God saw. Slowly, over months, He drew me to His word and began to show me the truth.

And my fears were true. I wasn’t good enough. From the perspectiveof God’s holiness, there was nothing good in me. I was a sinner, undeserving of acceptanceor approval. But, from the perspective of God’s goodness, He loved me anyway.

That was thesecret that shushed the nagging of perfectionism. I’m not good enough. But I amloved.

The familiar Gospel truths took on a new glow. God saw my ugly rebellion again Him, but still gave His Son toredeem me from my sins. Now, when God looks at me, He sees Christ’srighteousness covering me and making me “good enough.”

This was the acceptanceI desired, the crazy, passionate love I craved. I couldn’t earn it, butGod gave it to me freely.

It would be nice to saythat I never struggled with perfectionism again...but it wouldn’t be true. I still do. In spite of that, the Gospel continually invites me to come for acceptance and love.

It invites you, too. The Gospel story can be your story.

Come, weary and heavy laden. Come with your failures and "not-good-enoughs." Gaze on Perfection and be accepted in Him.

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Bu-Canon in D: Loving Silly Siblings

2012-02-21T18:24:00.000-05:00

You haven't known fun until you've ridden in a van while humming Canon in D at an insanely high pitch. Accompanied by ukulele.

No, really. We were tired from a long trip to our grandmother's, and some of us get silly when we're tired. Music-brother strummed away at his newest instrument, the other two siblings in the back seat warbled, and I hummed between bursts of laughter. Tall-brother chuckled while recording the cacophony on his iPod.

It's easy to love them when it's fun like that. I thought warm, fuzzy thoughts about how I wouldn't trade these nuts for anything.

Then there are the other times. They stay up late when I want to sleep. They leave lights on and stash socks in strange places and play electric guitar kind of loudly (with the door open). And it really did seem like there was a tag-team conspiracy to keep me out of the bathroom when I just wanted to brush my teeth.

Gone are the warm fuzzies. This is the test -- the opportunity to prove whether or not I really love my siblings. Love suffers long. Love is kind. Love does not seek her own. Love bears all things.

Application time! Love means keeping quiet when a snappy response quivers inside. It means pausing, thanking God for my siblings, and picking up the socks. Or gently closing the door to their room and not peeking in with a nasty expression.

You see, I really do love these guys, and I want to demonstrate it. I'm realizing, though, that there are times when love is best expressed by refraining and forbearing rather than doing and saying.

Sometimes, love means doing nothing at all.

But what about when love means action? Practically, what does that look like?

I've been thinking about that, too. Maybe for another post.

But, in the meantime, is anyone up for Canon in D? I know where to find a ukulele.

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Go This Way

2012-02-18T19:59:00.000-05:00

Just something small today. A Word of encouragement.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you."

Psalm 32:8

In some ways, I'm still waiting on my definite, "Go this way now," command. But, for today, I know what I should do.

And if His promise holds true for today, can't I trust it for tomorrow? And for the future and whatever decisions lie ahead?

Yeah, I'd like something clear and definite for the future. It would be lovely to have a flashing sign or skywriting or something unmistakable like that.

But I have enough knowledge to obey for today. Go this way, now; that's all I need to know.

And, you know what? That's enough.

Love Letters

2012-02-14T11:01:00.000-05:00

Candy galore. In schools and Sunday Schools, eager hands have been doling out sweets, attached to cheerful notes. Pink and red and white abound. At our house, cream cheese waits in the fridge, ready to be whipped into frosting for red velvet cupcakes. China rests in the cabinet, ready to host the special meal.

Yep, it's that time of year again -- Valentine's Day. Roses bloom in stores, chocolate lovers rejoice, and cards fly from shelves. Those things can be lovely (and I won't turn away good chocolate). But I like love letters best of all.

I have them, you know. Pages and pages of love-words. I think them. I say them out loud. I sing them.

Usually, I keep these kind of precious things treasured away from sight. These things should be savored quietly, not paraded before the world.

But they were not just written to me. He wrote them to you, too -- unabashed, unashamed declarations of love. Right out where anyone can read them! They're not those trite, sentimental things either. Just strong, earnest promises of love and covenant. Want to join me in reading some?

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
   therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."
Jeremiah 31:3b

"'For the mountains may depart
   and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
   and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,'
   says the LORD, who has compassion on you."
Isaiah 54:10

^"The LORD your God is in your midst,
   a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
   he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

Those verses are just a small sampling. The Father writes His love in so many ways!

It's for you, today, child of God. These are words from the Father who sees every tear and knows every longing heart. His love for you is unending -- let it quiet your cries. Listen as He sings over you. I have loved you...

Then, when you read them over and over, when the words sing in your mind, write a response.

"Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:25-26

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.

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Warning: Still in Process

2012-02-10T19:49:00.000-05:00

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Four beats, steady metronome ticking. I'm the one who's not steady. I inhale, attack that section of the Prokofiev sonata again. The notes should flow -- fingers should fly.

They fumble. Again. I've wrestled with these six measures for weeks.

At the lesson, my teacher waves her pencil over those measures, says something like, "This part -- it has improved." I remember how it sounded. "It's still not quite..."

She leans over the music, marking with pencil. "Don't stress out about it. You will get it." It's a waste of time to stress over not getting it now, she says, because I will get it. Not now, but I will.

Process in music -- I've experienced this. Weeks, months, of practice, and then I realize that it's clicked. The music is firm in the fingers and secure in the mind, and playing is glorious. But it takes process.

I take process, too.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another..." (2 Cor. 3:18a)

Oh. We may be those who are saved, but we are also those who are "being saved" (2 Cor. 2:15). The work has begun, but it is not completed. Here it is again -- process.

I'd rather have instant transformation.

But no. God takes us through the process of revealing thoughts and attitudes, words and actions, that do not reflect His glory. Don't ignore the conviction. Surrender.

Then comes the weeks, months, lifetime, of practice. Learning to die to self and live to Christ. Learning to rely on God, who changes the heart and enables us to change the behavior. Transformation is process.

So when we look at ourselves -- or others -- and see fumble instead of flow, we can extend grace. No, not excuses to continue in sin. But we can forbear and forgive with the understanding that He is working in us and isn't finished yet. We can even encourage, "This part -- it has improved."

Because we don't have it all now. But, someday, He will finish the process. It will be glorious.

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.

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Spring and Hope

2012-02-06T20:55:00.000-05:00

It's far too early to be excited about spring. I know that. But still...

As best I remember, I was seven-ish when I first became inordinately excited over the change of the seasons. After overhearing that it was the first day of spring, I blithely scampered out to play in the dirt in bare feet. The actual weather didn't matter -- the calendar said spring was here, didn't it?

And then there was the time, a few years later, when I combed the yard for signs of spring, rejoicing over leaf buds and velvety moss growth.

Even now, I finger daffodil heads and eye the pink promise of hyacinth buds.

You see, spring means hope. Spring is a vibrant sign of promises kept and faithfulness fulfilled. No matter how cold the winter, no matter how the days stretch on, it always comes back.

And I remember that the same Creator who unfurls spring is the Father who makes promises.

I can't see or touch the promises, not always. But I can gaze on spring and know that even as He is faithful in seasons, He is faithful to His word. When He says His grace is sufficient and His plans are good and that He will finish the work He began, I can believe.

Not that God needs spring to validate Himself. He is worthy of belief because of His character. But isn't it marvelous that He offers quiet reminders of Himself in creation?

When plans lie buried and waiting stretches on, when cold uncertainty bites, I can rejoice in hope. His promises are always, always fulfilled. Maybe not as I expected. Maybe not when I want.

But even more surely than spring comes, the Father will keep His word.

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Comfort Food for Thought

2012-02-01T22:23:00.001-05:00

Just this today -- some favorite lines from an old hymn. Soul-candy, that's what it is. Comfort food for thought. Just read it and let it linger on the heart.

Jesus! I am resting, resting in the joy of what thou art;
I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul,
For, by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole.

Oh, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea:
Oh, how marvelous Thy goodness, lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in thee, Beloved, know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise, and have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart,
Satisfies its deepest longings, meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings,
Thine is love indeed.

~Jean Sophia Pigott (1845-1882)

Sweetness. "Yes, I rest in thee, Beloved." And his love that satisfies the heart -- this is saying something. The heart knows its own longings, ones that go deep and will not be soothed easily. But his love, now, that reaches far enough! This One who wept and bled to dry our tears and heal our wounds is to be trusted.

And what is the response of a heart resting in His love? Love answers to love, prompting surrender and release. This love values nothing more than doing the Beloved's will.

I need this. My Beloved, let me know more of Your love so I can love You as You deserve. As I know Your love, may I be filled with all of Your fullness.

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Thanks Again

2012-01-30T21:13:00.000-05:00

Remember those 89 thanks I wrote about a few weeks ago? Well, I'm still sticking with it. I may have (ahem) missed a couple of days, but the list steadily increases. Up to 287 now!

It's a strengthening, calming habit to form. Whenever worry grips, fear taunts, or frustration burns, I try to count gifts instead. Thanksgiving turns the eyes upward and puts everything into perspective.

Sometimes difficult...but sometimes just pure fun. Take this little sampling.

104. Looking at stars with Emily and Lars

105. Feeling small

122. Rug soft underfoot

153. Biting winds

159. Graduation acceptance letter!

238. Golden sunset through pines

266. He is good, even when I'm not good enough

287. I love teaching piano

Now. You have reasons for thanks, too, both easy and hard ones? Take time to list some for yourself?

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For When You Fail

2012-01-26T21:00:00.000-05:00

There was that one night when the sense of failure was very strong. Like, tonight.

I curled up and the tears trickled and I pleaded, Father, what do I do with this deep sense of failure? With the shame of not being good enough? With knowledge that I'd done it again and not done it again, and wondering if I will ever grow up into the maturity and completeness for which I long?

I didn't want to pull out the Bible. I didn't want to sit here and blog truth. I didn't even want to really pray. I wanted to let the tears come and whine to God about how awful I felt.

For a while, I did. Then the thought interrupted my little pity party. What are you doing? Have you forgotten everything you've learned in the past few months? Faith, not feelings. This was the time to put it to the test. So, I whispered Psalm 34:1. I will bless the Lord at all times. Okay, a start. Now give thanks. And this is where it got good.

Father, thank You for...

Loving me when I am unlovable

Accepting me when I am unacceptable

Being strong when I am weak

Being faithful when I am faithless

Not withholding Your goodness because I am not good enough

Covering my filth and failures with Your righteousness

Making a way for me to live in freedom, not bondage

I didn't feel these things at first. But as I went on choosing truth, it soaked through the anger and guilt -- and cleansed.

My failures still exist. I've hardly just begun this particular battle. To be honest, I feel discouraged. I feel like I will never overcome, never be able to handle this wisely and maturely. I feel like God will never be able to fully use me because of my inabilities and failures.

However, what I feel isn't the point. Neither is who I am or what I've done. The overwhelming truth is that God is greater. He is great enough to use me in spite of my failures. His grace is enough to redeem my shortcomings. His power working in me, Christ's life living out through me, is enough.

Even when I fail, He is enough.

Weak Enough

2012-01-23T21:48:00.000-05:00

"God chose me because I was weak enough. God does not do His great works by large committees. He trains somebody to be quiet enough, and little enough, and then He uses him." ~Hudson Taylor

Oh, that resonates.Weak? Yes. Quiet? Often. Little? Definitely.

I think the Father delights in placing His children in situations that are impossible for them to conquer alone. He opens our eyes to the truth of who we are: weak, helpless, powerless. Sin grips us, and we can't shake free. Fear entangles, and we are trapped. Obstacles loom, and we can't move.

This glares in my own life. I see areas that I simply cannot overcome. I've tried to do it alone. When I failed, my answer was to grit my teeth and try harder. I will do this! I will live for God! I will! But I don't.

He lets me go on like this for a while. I end in tears, mortification, guilt. I'm weaker than I want to admit. There are no more promises to be made, nothing more to say, so I fall quiet. I dreamed of being a valiant warrior, but I find that I'm just a little girl. Humbled, I come back as a child to a father. I tried, but I can't do it. Help me, please, Daddy?

He resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. This is what the Lord wanted to hear. He gave no promises to feed my independent pride, but many that speak to my desperate need.

"And he said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'"

"Without me, you can do nothing."

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

But we have to be trained to this dependence. It doesn't come naturally.

I think I'm in training right now. I don't especially like it. I'd rather feel confident and in control instead of weak and dependent.

But, maybe, this is where great things start. I'm willing to find out. Father, will You help me?

Release and Sing

2012-01-19T21:26:00.000-05:00

Do not be afraid! It wasn't the first time she'd said it.

I sat rather sheepishly at the piano, where I'd just tried to play a section in a piece. The music didn't sing like it could have...should have. Fear of fumble-fingered failure caused me to hold back, and my teacher knew it. Do not be afraid.

Fear makes the fingers stumble where they should dance. Tension knots in the shoulders, the back, and fear become physical. Tendonitis aches in the elbows, the result of nerves and stress.

It hasn't hurt (much) for weeks now, though, because I've learned the secret. It wasn't stretching or wrapping or medicating. Relax, she told me.

And it worked.

So when I feel the tightening in the arms, I release. Simple as that. Don't force or pound. Just let the natural arm weight draw out the tone. Funny, but I actually have more control when I let go.

And, yeah, there's a lesson in that.

Fear lurks around more places than the piano bench. I tighten up, feel the soul stiffen. Don't lose control. Don't fail. Don't get hurt. Fear. Fear.

My Master Teacher knows me even better than my piano teacher. He sees the symptoms and hears the thoughts. His response: Do not be afraid.

I'm not in control anyway, so how can I lose it? I have failed in the past, and I will certainly fail in the future. But I will trust in His forgiveness and ability to redeem failures, relying on His strength to go on. And I have been hurt in the past, and I am not invulnerable now. But isn't He the Healer?

The answer is the same. Relax. Release. Trust. Don't worry, but pray about everything. Thank Him.

The results are the same, too. Pain decreases. Peace stands guard. Songs of deliverance surround. The music sings.

Rescued

2012-01-17T18:31:00.000-05:00

Special post today! Introducing Rescued: The Heart of Adoption and Caring for Orphans, a film made by Winton Motion Pictures and Hedrick Brother Productions. In this guest post, my friend Lindsay Hedrick shares her family's personal story of adoption and the passion behind Rescued.

Adoption, defined by Webster’s 1828 dictionary:

“The act ofadopting, or the state of being adopted; the taking and treating of a strangeras one’s own child…God’s taking the sinful children of men into his favor andprotection.”

The Bible speaks of adoption; Abraham considered theadoption of a servant when he remained without an heir (Genesis 15:2-3). The psalmist proclaims that “God sets thelonely in families” (Psalm 68:6, NIV). Our Heavenly Father adopts us into His family through the shed blood ofChrist, declaring us sons of God and heirs with Christ (Ephesians 1:5, Romans8:16-17).

Lily

As I think about it, adoptionand adopted describe so much about whowe are as a family. Having beenreconciled to God through Christ, we have been adopted into God’s family; inthe process, our family has been blessed to personally experience the miracleof physical adoption. I was thrilledwhen my parents first told us that we would be adopting from China! Adoptionwas not a sudden decision for us, but was something God planted in our hearts yearsbefore. My parents talked casually aboutadoption from the early days of their marriage, but it was through theencouragement of one missionary that those seeds were watered and they began totalk seriously about it. Personally, I found this decision very exciting because I had desired a sisterfor many years. I would often express mydesire for an adopted sister to my parents through notes and song (When Love Takes You In by Steven CurtisChapman). I had been blessed with twowonderful brothers, but I still longed for a sister – an adopted sister. That desire was fulfilled when the Lordcalled our family to take in a stranger as our own. He ultimately led us toadopt a precious 10 month old baby girl from China in 2005. Amazingly, from themoment we saw her picture, we knew that she belonged to our family! Blood connections didn’t matter; this littlestranger on the other side of the world was to be my own little sister.

Going to China to adopt my sister, Lily, was an amazingjourney of trust and excitement. Thiswas a huge change for our family, and to top it off we were ALL (all five of usplus my grandma and aunt) flying to China. For some of us, it was our first time on an airplane, but it wasincredibly worth it. Thinking back onLily’s adoption seems so surreal - as if Lily has always been here withus. I remember sitting in that specialroom in China and seeing a four year old girl being brought to her new family. As we waited our turn, I was suddenly struckby the realization of what we were doing. It was an amazing moment for me to observe another child being broughtto her new family, and I was blown away! The moment the nanny called us forward to receive Nan Cai Jun (Lily’sChinese name), she was ours!! It wascompletely normal and natural – she was my sister. I loved her dearly, and jealously wanted to holdher, spend time with her, and receive her attention. She was transformedfrom a baby craving love and attention to a baby who was the center ofattention in a family who loved her. Lilyhad been a stranger to us, but she became our own.

Jadon

The Lord called us back to China in 2007 to adopt my darlingbrother Jadon. He was a joyful surprisein many ways. This time around weapplied for a special needs adoption and were considering another girl, until our agency called with no girlreferrals available and asked if we would consider a boy. We agreed to look at three files for orphanboys. A cute chubby/round cheeked boyappeared on our screen with a special need of cleft lip and palate. Such a simple thing to repair in our countryhad placed him on the orphan list in China. And we all are like Jadon in that we are wounded and scarred by sin – infact dead with absolutely nothing to make us attractive to God, but our Fatheradopts us into His family with all our mess while giving us a new identity inChrist – we are each special needs children. We chose our little emperor from China! At first, I was convinced I wanted another sister, but the Lord changedmy heart – Jadon is such a joy andtreasure. The day after meeting Jadon, he had me wrapped in a big hug - mylittlest brother! I was again astonished at how naturally hebecame an immediate member of our family. After learning how many boys are abandoned because of defects, I have aspecial desire to see these little emperors with families. The Lord has doneand is doing an amazing work in both Lily and Jadon’s lives and I am gratefulto be a part of it.

And Today...

In December, we celebrated Lily’s sixth and Jadon’s fourthanniversary into our family. Lookingback, it is hard for me to imagine life without their love, joy, enthusiasm, energy,and blessed presence in our home. Theyhave truly been a blessing that none of us could have imagined. Even today, looking at our family picture, Ialways think Lily and Jadon look like “US.” They don’t stand out to me as beingfrom another country, because they are just part of our family. I would not trade this experience and the joyof having a little sister and brother who are truly miracles, who bless my lifeevery day as well as the lives of others they meet. In many ways it is a growing experience forme, as having little ones in our home often points out my sins andshortcomings. In addition, adoption isshowing me how God accepts strangers, outcasts, and rejected ones who havenothing good in them into His family. Should we as Christians be doing anything less? We should be seeking the outcast and rejected– I speak this for myself. As I thinkback and see how Lily and Jadon have been transformed from children in hopelesssituations to members of a family wholoves and adores them, I am astounded at the miracle that has taken place. Adoption has had such an impact on my life that I too desire to help orphansand adopt!

Out of this passion for adoption, my brothers (HedrickBrothers Productions) along with Winton Motion Pictures (a family who has alsoadopted two precious children) have brought together their skills to create a documentaryon adoption: Rescued: The Heart of Adoption and Caring for Orphans. They desire to awaken Christians totheir calling to care for the orphan. During the span of an hour, Rescuedtakes you through the stories of five adoptive families and a team ofwonderful leaders who will encourage Christians to adopt and care for orphans.

Remember how God has placed you, a stranger, into His ownfamily! We think we are reaching out tobless another when actually we are the ones who benefit even more. I am eternally thankful that our family madethe decision to adopt and that I now have two adorable, precious siblings tohelp care for and encourage – I love you Lily and Jadon!!

At All Times

2012-01-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

It's been ringing in my mind, that Psalm 34:1. "I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth."

At all times. Which means that there is never a moment in my life when I cannot or should not bless the Lord.

When prayers are gloriously answered and hopes are fulfilled and joy sparkles, I will bless the Lord.

When the answer is "no" and self must die and rejoicing is a choice in spite of a feeling, I will bless the Lord.

This blessing, then, is based on something more than externals. It's based on Him.

Really, it comes down to trusting the ways of One whom we cannot understand. This is the God who laid the foundations of the earth and strung the stars. He dresses the lily and sets the sparrow's daily menu. All-powerful and all-wise, yet He feels a father-tenderness for His children. Will I trust this?

Will I acknowledge that He is good and does good -- with no exceptions? Will I trust His character, even when I don't understand?

Without this trusting, there can be no blessing. But when I lift up open hands in release and surrender, blessing the Lord is the natural result.

And, you know what? As I trust and bless, I find that I am the one who is blessed.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him."

Psalm 34: 8

Show, not tell

2012-01-12T21:32:00.000-05:00

It's a Thursday evening (you know, when I usually post something), and I have writer's block. I'm sitting at my laptop, listening to the wind whip the rose bush against the wall, and trying to think of something meaningful to say. But the screen is mostly blank and the words are clumsy tonight.

If they did cooperate, however, I might say that I was thinking about that waiting feeling of January and how I anticipate spring. Maybe I would try to compare that to where I am right now -- waiting -- and wonder what springs looks like anyway.

But then I would talk about today, when my Heavenly Father showed me that there are blessings of January waiting. Sweet reminders that I am not forgotten. Keep going in obedience, He says. Don't grow weary in doing good, for you will reap at the right time.

But I've written all of that before. So I will show instead of tell.

Hearts and hope, beauty in bare branches, smiles in sweetgums, and death that brings life. Visual reminders of spiritual realities. Do you see it, too?

But I can do this

2012-01-09T20:16:00.000-05:00

The first Good News Club meeting of January. The kids trickle in, carrying heavy bookbags. Most of my second and third graders seem to flood in all at once, and I'm trying to mark attendance and listen to memory verses.

I love this. Good News Club is one of those places where rubber hits road, where impulse is transformed into action. It's a place not to talk about the Gospel, but to talk Gospel and to live Gospel and pray that some of this stuff we say we believe becomes so real that kids say, "I want that!"

You see, the needs are great. I'm blessedly sheltered, but here I see children who've tasted more pain than I can imagine.

Mothers absent, siblings separated, fathers missing.

Two of them talked with me today, with two separate situations that I understood, but couldn't grasp. I didn't know how to respond. You, little one? This is your burden? No surprise that this one sat close and held my hand during the Bible lesson. No wonder that this one is cautious to smile.

And on the outside, I just see kids cute or kids funny or kids quiet or kids unruly. How little I know about what lies beneath the surface.

I haven't prayed enough for them. I haven't cried enough for them. Careless heart, not to be touched by pain so close. Yes, yes, pray and give and speak for the lost little ones around the world -- but don't overlook the ones who sit next to you. I can't do much. But I can do this.

Savior who invited the children to come, give me Your heart! This is just a small something, but help me to be faithful in it.

89 Thanks

2012-01-05T22:31:00.000-05:00

I had been playing around with an idea for a post yesterday and today, and I was intending to write something serious and thoughtful. But no. Not today!

Today's just a simple, smiling, counting my blessings day. At the end of last year, inspired by someone else's journey in giving thanks, I started keeping a gratitude journal. Or a thankful list. Or whatever you'd like to call it. Since December 29, I've written 89 things. Really, just a few compared to what I could have listed. And what an eclectic list! Like...

#8. Flickering candles

#21. Singing while choring

#32. Gray days

#67. Brother's slurpping

#71. "Jesus, I am Resting" lyrics

#86. Her red velvety dress and cowgirl boots

And then there was just this evening. Giggles and trying to get the snapshot quickly and loving her playing with the kitty (who finally had enough). Gifts from a Father who loves in spite, not because, and who daily loads us with benefits and who gives us all things richly to enjoy.

Thank You.

Intentional Change

2012-01-02T20:03:00.000-05:00

"...change takes real intentionality....change requires more than merely thinking the warm and fuzzy thoughts about a door and a way through..." ~Ann Voskamp

I read the above quote in this book, and felt that I was reading after someone who had read my mind. Yes. It's not enough to soar on an emotional high and feel like I'm going to live more after Christ, and then go back to living as usual. Enough impulse without action. Let's do something.

It's a little overwhelming. I sat cross-legged on my bed yesterday, open Bible in front of me, papers filled with notes and ideas surrounding me. There's so much I want to be and do and learn...so much growing that I want to happen this year. But how to make it practical? What does it look like to be a doer and not just a hearer? What decisions turn desire into reality?

I wrote out some "biggies" -- some overall, general things that I want to work on. These were divided up into groups like "Personal/Spiritual" or "Ministries" or "Skills." Then I tightened my focus to just this month. What can I do now to work on these things?

Some things were simple, like choosing a day of the week to plan for my piano students, or deciding the next step in a music project. Other areas weren't so tangible. Things like strengthening relationships ... dealing with specific areas of fear in my life ... giving thanks and thinking truth and living in love. The answers may not have been as obvious, but even these things presented opportunities for action. Some called for waiting and studying; others called for little steps, like a long-delayed conversation or scripture used to replace untrue thoughts. All areas called for prayer.

Remembering this past year, I smile at the lists of "areas for improvement" and "steps to take." I may plan, but God directs the outcome, and it's often quite different than what I expect. I desperately need His guidance. Without Him, my plans for growing and changing are worthless.

What a comfort, then, to know that He has plans of His own for me! This inspires hope, because I know that His plans are good (Jer. 29:11) and that none of His purposes can be thwarted (Job 42:2). He has begun this work, and I can trust Him to complete it.

Year's End

2011-12-30T16:32:00.000-05:00

"Thou art good when thou givest,

when thou takest away,

when the sun shines upon me,

when night gathers over me....

Thy goodness has been with me during another year...

Thy goodness will be with me in the year ahead;

I hoist sail and draw up anchor,

With thee as the blessed Pilot of my future

as of my past.

I bless thee that thou hast veiled my eyes

to the waters ahead....

Only glorify thyself in me whether in comfort

or trial,

as a chosen vessel meet always

for thy use."

portions of "Year's End," from The Valley of Vision

Nothing more to add to that other than a nod and an "Amen!" But join me in seeing some memories?

Blessings to you in 2012, blog readers! May God "make you worthy of his calling and ... fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." (1Thess. 1:11b-12)

Holy Days

2011-12-29T14:36:00.000-05:00

Note: This was written on 12/27, while I didn't have internet access. I decided to post it now, even though it's late!

Sittin’ on the bed at myNana’s house.

The rest of my family hascongregated in the crowded living room, watching a Hallmark Christmas movie. Islipped out. Those movies are like Christmas cookies – fun for a while, butrather sickening in large doses. I’ve had my share of both Christmas goodiesand Christmas movies, so I retreated in here to read a book I got forChristmas. Reading made me itch to write, so I pulled out my trusty laptop andpink fingernails are tapping over the keyboard.

Camellia at Nana's!

It wasn’t exactly a normal Christmas, but Idon’t know that I’ve ever had one of those.Plans went slightly awry, as usual. But this one was more challenging.

It was a stretchingsituation, as my dad would call it. I was pressed into service in a situationwhere I strongly wanted to help, but felt quite inadequate. Here, I was keenlyaware of my lack of control and my weaknesses and my inabilities. It’s not thatanything bad actually happened. But it could have, and the battle to takethoughts captive raged more strongly than usual. Or maybe I was simply moreaware of it.

Naïve little soldier. Holidays are some of mymost vulnerable moments, and I should have remembered this. Watching too manymovies and eating too many goodies...listening to the voice of fear and actingon it instead of walking in love. Struggling and slacking through those momentswhen I desperately needed to hear from my Father, letting thoughts roam wild.Walking in feeling and not faith.

But, of all times, the Christmas holidays should be the time when the Father reigns as sovereign in my heart. So,I remember that obedience begins in the little things. I begin to give thanks.I pray, really pray, with my whole mind involved. I ask for grace and mercy,because He invites me to come and He sympathizes with my weaknesses. I rejoice in who He is and inwho I am in Him, in spite of my offenses against Him.

And I have to do it againand again. You see, I've had enough holidays. How about some holy days?

Parachute Party!

2011-12-18T21:21:00.000-05:00

They said it was the best ever, and I think I agree.

I started thinking about this Sunday School classChristmas party weeks ago. I wanted to have something more than food andgames...something that would turn the kids' focus (and mine!) outside of us.After praying and poking around online, I found this site.It had the perfect project! We could make parachutes. These parachutes, ladenwith Bibles, Christian books, and radios, are destined be dropped by a brave missionarypilot over guerrilla camps in Colombia. Check out the site to learn more! (Really. Do it.)

I may have been more excited than the kids.

Anyway, here are a few glimpses of today's parachuteoperation. Enjoy!


Gluing on ribbons


More gluing!

Writing phrases in Spanish on the parachute

More writing

Attaching ribbons to the plastic bag that will hold the literature and radio


Looks like it's almost finished!


Amen. That's why we did it!

P.S. I'm going to be gone over Christmas, mostly away from Wi-fi connections, so this may be my last post before Christmas. To all my readers -- Merry Christmas! Blessings!

Once upon a time, my Prince came

2011-12-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

Mary Kassian, in her book Girls Gone Wise, describes a scene that fascinates me. Before speaking to some college-aged girls, she played a clip from the Disney movie Snow White, showing the heroine singing "Someday My Prince Will Come." Mrs. Kassian described the various reactions of the girls -- cheers, shouts, even tears. Emotions ran high; after all, what girl isn't stirred by that thought?

I thought about how I would have responded. Probably with just a smile and quietness. This is one of those things I prefer to treasure up and ponder in my heart.

But as I pondered, a realization unfolded. Slowly. The way I like to unwrap Christmas presents.

My Prince has come.

At this time of year, it should be most obvious. He came, humble and helpless, the Prince of Peace hidden in an infant's form. Splendor wrapped in swaddling clothes. The mighty God tucked in a manger. The Creator cradled in the arms of a girl.

Glorious as that is, even more glorious is that He came for me. He lowered Himself to become like me -- to know pain, to know temptation, to learn obedience through suffering. My Prince came to rescue me, giving Himself as my ransom and buying me to be His own. Cleansing me from my sin and giving me beauty I could never possess on my own.

Ohhhh. Forget the fake chick flicks. Keep your Bella and Edward. I know Love.

The story is not complete, however. He left me -- us-- with a promise, which is the seal of His Spirit in my heart, the sure and certain reminder that He left earth but did not leave me alone. And He will not be gone forever.

Someday, my Prince will come again. This time, He will come in power and glory. His character and worth will be brilliantly displayed. He will come to claim me (and all of His own), gaining the glory He rightfully deserves.

Until then, I can rejoice in His first coming and hope in the promise of His return. My Prince has come and He will come again.

And that's what Christmas is all about.

Before life makes sense...

2011-12-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

"When hearts are fragile, that’s whenthey may be most faith-filled — believing in miracles before life makes sense." ~Ann Voskamp

I read the above quote from this excellent blog today, and it echoed in my mind. "...before life makes sense."

That's what faith is, isn't it? The choice to hope before you see. The choice to believe when there is nothing tangible to grasp. The choice to thank for the final outcome before you know the final outcome.

It resonated in my soul. I know about this "not making sense" business. Uncertainties abound where I am now. Questions, choices. Do I set up a piano studio, go for my music teacher certification, maybe try to get some of my music published -- just dive into the piano world? Or do I wait until next year and re-apply for that other job as they encouraged me? Or is there something else, completely unknown at this moment?

I want to know. But I don't, not right now. Apparently, I don't need to know now. So I wait!

This is where faith...or lack thereof...is revealed. Do I joyfully pour myself into the "now" God has given, or do I waste myself in worrying?

I have worried. I have given in to fear. I have wept and felt hopeless. He knows I have.

But I'm learning! I'm choosing to thank Him for this and for this future He has planned, even though I have no idea what the plans may be. Now, while I'm still in the dark, is the time to thank and rejoice and praise Him.

I don't have to understand or know the end result. It doesn't have to make sense. All I need to know that He is the Worker of Miracles. This mighty Creator, this One who possesses all power and wisdom and might, is my Father who sees me with compassion.

Faith. Believing that He is. Believing that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Regardless of whether it makes sense.

It starts with snickerdoodles...

2011-12-09T17:10:00.001-05:00

Over 90 snickerdoodles. My face is still warm from leaning over the cookie sheets, and I still smell cinnamon on my hands.

Dough scooped out with fingers and rolled in a ball, coated with cinnamon, and baked until they rise and the tops crack.

With cinnamon aromas floating on the air, we had to guard the cookies. They're not for us. Everyone can only have one. Well. There was that other one that fell on the floor, and it would have been terrible to waste a good cookie...

More cookies are planned for later -- chocolate cookies with white chocolate chips, then regular chocolate chip cookies. These will need guards, too, since they're planned as gifts for teachers and friends and special occasions.

And also for them.

I realized that I didn't even know their names, hadn't really had a conversation with them. But the thought came and wouldn't leave that I needed to give something to them, too. Wrap up a few cookies, tie them with a bow. Slip in a card, a little Christmas tract. It's about giving more than cookies.

It's only a small gesture, a little obedience. But, I'm learning, this is where it starts. Obey in the small things. This will be the making or the undoing of me. Will my life be filled with many choices of obedience, many small "yeses" to the everyday tasks laid before me? Or will I shrug them off as not important, not a big deal, (it can wait, after all), and dull myself to the promptings of His voice?

I have ignored it far too many times. But not now. Help me, Lord. Let me live a life that demonstrates love by obedience in everything.

And, for now, it starts with snickerdoodles. Who knew?

Consumed

2011-12-05T20:52:00.001-05:00

"Show me one burning heart. Let me see a single worldling afire with true passion, one heavenling consumed with his God's eternal burning." ~ Jim Elliot

Do I dare to pray - let others see this in me?

Dear Bestie...

2011-12-03T05:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Bestie,

Happy birthday!

It was hard to know how to start this letter. I could waxsentimental on you and tell about how I wanted a sister. I could think back seventeenyears and remember when I, a very excited four-year-old, first held you. Then Icould go on about games and giggles when you were still in your crib, and dollsand dress-up when we were both older. Or I could talk about more recentmemories of walks on the hill and conversations at night and singing while wedo the dishes and watching movies together (and have I mentioned how much Ilike Mr. Knightly?).

I could go on about the things I appreciate in you...yourdry humor, the generous (but not biting) sarcasm, your use of English accentsat random moments. I see your easy-going, matter-of-fact approach to things,your willingness to serve, the way you love children and unashamedly get downon their level, who cares what anyone else thinks. (And they love you, you knowthat? Kid magnet, that’s what you are.) You are gentle with others’ feelings,but honest. Just tell it like it is. And I appreciate that.

So, what could I give to my bestie on her birthday? Somethingmeaningful and good, something that builds up. This is what I decided:

Dear Father,

Thank You for my sister. Thank You for how You’ve blessed me through her, for how my life issweeter because You’ve given me her friendship. Place Your hand on her, I ask.May You woo her and draw her and capture her heart so that she loves You withall that she is. Make her beautiful with things that last: a heart that fearsYou, a spirit that is quiet and gentle, and good works that shine and point others to You. As she looks to You, may she become a radiant reflection ofwho You are, of who she is through Your Son. May she be a woman of strength anddignity, with boldness for You and love that flows to all around her. Thank You for the good work You’ve begun inher – may You continue it, complete it, and someday, present her beforeYourself with great joy. Amen.

Happy birthday, my dear sister. I love you.

Kori

Just being

2011-11-27T21:01:00.001-05:00

What should I do? Oh, dear Father, what do I do now?

Two and a half years of school, year round. True confession: I took my books on vacation with me. Seriously. Since I had a clear goal, focus and motivation weren't huge struggles. Whenever I was tempted with distraction or discontent, school was the goal I used to refocus. School -- that's what God has called me to do right now, and that's what I'm going to do. I could always come back to that in moments of confusion.

Now, the papers have been written, the projects completed, and the recitals performed. The credits have been posted, and I'm simply waiting for a graduation acceptance letter.

It's a drastic change. I've felt lost. Bewildered. Grasping for some sense of purpose, some goal to motivate. Oh, God, what do I do now?

The things I was trying to do weren't enough. No matter how busy my day, it couldn't ward off the anxiety that ached at night or the heaviness that dreaded the morning.

I went on, trying to thank and trust and do right in spite of feelings. But, on Sunday, God gently shifted my thoughts and my focus.

I was asking the wrong question. Not, "What should I do?" That will change. I won't always be called to do the exact same thing in every stage of my life. The real question is "Who should I be?" This "being" is something lasting. Here is a focus that never needs to change.

"For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son..." Rom. 8:29

It couldn't be clearer. This is who God wants me to be. His love chose me for His purpose, and His purpose is that I become more like His Son.

If this is God's purpose for me, then it should be my purpose for myself. Oh, yes, He is the one who did the choosing, and He will do the conforming. But, because I love Him, I want to throw myself into this purpose, too.

This wasn't something completely new to me. In in my senior year of high school, I became enamored of Philippians 3:12.

"Not that I have already obtained this [goal] or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."

I agreed. Yes! I want to grasp the purpose for which Christ has grasped me. But I didn't quite understand the goal until now...I didn't connect the dots with the previous verses about knowing Christ (vv.7-11). I had some vague idea about finding my life work -- the ministry I was supposed to do for the Lord.

But now I see that the goal is quite different. It's not about doing for Christ. It's about becoming like Him.

Do you see it, brave blog reader? It's not time to settle for less. If you belong to the Father, then He has chosen you for the purpose of becoming like His Son. Embrace it. Make it your passion. Press on to make this purpose your own -- because Christ has made you His own.

Giving thanks

2011-11-24T19:12:00.001-05:00

The air was nippy this morning. Frost twinkled on leaves and the steps of the deck.

I felt twinkly, too. Sparkly. And I think it was because of thanksgiving.

Not "Thanksgiving" the holiday, though I do love it. Family scatters throughout the living room, ensconced in couches or sprawled on the floor. Plates are piled with the traditional staples. Laughter rings, because we like to laugh and we like each other and we like being together.

That certainly helped set a cheery mood. But, oh, there's so much more.

Now, after the early-morning twinkle has faded into tired contentment, real thanksgiving remains. I urge you, turn your eyes to the Father and thank Him, for He is good!

So, in keeping with thanksgiving, here are a random few of the things for which I'm thankful:

~ My Father's hands that hold me and never let go.

~ That all things work together for good to those who love God. Everything. Absolutely no exceptions. No fine print. Everything. (Rest in this! Trust Him!)

~ Laughter and stories with family. (We sure think we're witty. Oh, well. At least we enjoy it.)

~ And, small, but too good to be left out...caramel cake. Icing soft, but not too soft, rich and sweet, and...is your mouth watering?

As I started to write this list, I had to limit myself to just a few. The list could joyfully ramble on and on.

Now. Quick! Three random things you're thankful for!

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever. "

Psalms 136:1

Lacking Love

2011-11-21T21:15:00.001-05:00

Love. That's what I lack.

If I loved, I wouldn't fear. If I loved, I would pour out and speak up and live with passionate purpose.

God has been quietly, persistently impressing this on my heart. After hearing it in three messages in a row, I'm at attention.

You see, love is not a feeling. Love is about sacrifice. Love is about patience and kindness and enduring suffering and saying, "not my will, but Yours." Love is about obedience, and it is hard.

This is the answer, He tells me. You don't love Me. You don't love others. And so you cower in fear and cling to your desires instead of abandoning them to embrace Me.

It's not that love makes the pain of sacrifice disappear. Love simply looks through the pain to the end result and goes on anyway. Love has a goal that enables it to endure pain.

See the Savior. Remember His tears and agony. He did not love what He did, but He loved us, so He did it anyway.

But, dear God, I can't love like this. I don't have it in me. I'm full of selfishness and I'm terrified. Part of me shrinks back and tries to hide.

But the other part asks, timidly, but willingly, God, will You love through me? I want to love You with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. I want to love others as I love myself. I want to be overtaken and overwhelmed and ruled by love! I can't do this. But will You do it through me?

I can do nothing without You, my Beloved. So I die and ask You to live - to love - through me.

Just say thank you

2011-11-16T16:08:00.001-05:00

Thank You. That's always the right thing. This is the prayer He delights to hear. Thank You, Father.

I'm learning. This giving thanks, it's a discipline, a habit -- a decision to make every day, all day long. So I'm trying!

On some days it's easy, and the praise flows. I'm thankful for the gifts that are so obviously good: the love of my Father, who is always enough, who redeems me and holds me securely. Then there are moments of laughter with my family and walks in the autumn breezes. Projects are completed, victories are won, and rejoicing is easy. Thank You for all of these good things, my Father! You are good!

And then there are the other gifts. They don't feel like gifts, because they interrupt and cause pain, and I plead, sometimes with tears, for Him to remove them. Please, Father. I don't want this anymore. Please, take it away. Sometimes, because He is wise and He loves me and has bigger purposes in mind than I have, He says no. And what will I do? I lift my hands in spite of the pain and thank Him because I know Him and trust Him. Thank You for this, my Father! Thank You for giving and withholding and taking, because You are good! You are in control and You are God and I am not, so I thank You!

A discipline, not a feeling.

And it's because He is good. Not because circumstances are good, not because the path is clear, not because everything I want is given me, but because God in His very nature is good. Thanksgiving is the right response.

Just say thank you.

"When we have no other answer..."

2011-11-14T17:57:00.001-05:00

Just this today...one of those excellent things that you can always do when you don't know what to do.

"Thanksgiving is a proper answer to dark and disquieting thoughts, and may be an effectual means to silence them. Songs of praise are sovereign cordials to drooping souls, and will help to cure melancholy. When we have no other answer to the suggestions of grief and fear, we may have recourse to this, "I thank Thee, O Father." ~ Matthew Henry

Had your "sovereign cordials" for today?

Leaves and Grains

2011-11-10T16:17:00.001-05:00

She's scolded me for the past few years. "You take way too many pictures of leaves." But the leaves are beautiful, I explain. "You're so morbid. You're taking pictures of them dying."

I retort, "If I look so glorious when I die, then people can come and take pictures of me!"

And later I think of grains of wheat, hidden in the ground, dying, where no one sees.

A good, necessary death. If they don't die, they remain alone. Useless. Without the covering of the earth, the hiding away in the darkness, they can't grow.

In the quiet, dark waiting, they find the nutrients, the substance they need. Here, they become more than just themselves. They draw on strength that they don't naturally possess.

And then their death brings life. Spring always comes again, and little green shoots of hope poke out.

They stretch and blossom and grow.

They do so much more than they ever could have if they had remained out in the air and never died.

They produce much fruit. Not a little, skimpy, pitiful amount. Much. Lots. Abundance!

But first, they had to die.

GNC Glimpse

2011-11-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

Good News Club today! "Be all there," I tell myself. "Live it to the hilt, for this is where God has placed you. It's not about you. Put those distracting thoughts away and pray." I try. In turning outward, focusing on the kids, I find joy. What a cure for gloominess! I go to Good News Club to love, and I find myself loved.

Thank You, Father. May they find You, the One who loves them with an always and forever love!

So, would you like to meet one of our kids? I did a little "interview" with a willing young man on my table, just to give you a glimpse into our club. Since I'm rather pressed for one-on-one time with the kids (and oh, I wish I could give each of them loads of individual attention!), it's rather short, but I hope you enjoy it!

Name: Brayden

What's your favorite food? Pizza.

What do you like to do after school? Play my Wii.

Who is your favorite Bible character? David. (Not surprising, since we've been studying David recently.)

Which part of Good News Club do you like the best? The game time at the end of the lesson.

What is your favorite Bible verse? Ephesians 5:17 (I didn't catch on to this at first, but this was the memory verse from our first GNC meeting of the year. He still remembers it. So they do listen!)

Just a little glimpse. But maybe it's enough of a reminder, a friendly little nudge, to keep this ministry on your heart and in your prayers.

For real

2011-11-04T22:09:00.000-04:00

It doesn't matter what I write on here. What matters is what I live out there.

And so I try to be honest when I sit down to my laptop -- I'm messy and I struggle and I try to write truth, but I find it much harder to live it.

But maybe you don't have it all together, either. That's why I peel away the shyness and offer a little piece of my heart. You can say, "I'm not the only one! I'm not alone!" Maybe you want to see someone else grapple with Truth and the question of how it looks when it's lived in real, messy, everyday life.

Well, then, I can certainly supply the real and messy part. Got that covered.

Go a little deeper, though. Look past the seen to the unseen, something even more real. Do you see the grace? He's not surprised by failure and ugliness and sin. I struggle with guilt; the voices whisper, "It's your fault that you are where you are. If only you could overcome _______, if only you were good enough, then you could move on. You could find that clear direction you need, stop this waiting, and get on with the important things!"

It's very real. It is my fault. But the unseen, the more real, answers. "Don't you know that He knows? Yeah, you've blown it. But don't you know that He can redeem your failures? Don't you know that your ugliest, most shameful mistakes are covered in the blood of the Savior? See how your wise Father works! He can take failures and mistakes and still accomplish His plan and His purposes through them. Your God is big enough!"

Failure is real. But so is grace.

And this is for you, too. The reason I'm real about my life is to point you to some of the most glorious realness of all -- the grace of God in the lives of His messy children.

God's Will?

2011-10-31T19:47:00.000-04:00

Not many words today. They jumble together when I'm tired.

But here's a word from the Word that I've been returning to over the past few weeks. Whenever I start feeling desperate, wanting to know God's will for some time farther ahead than now, this verse quiets me. This is God's will. When you don't know what to do, do this and you cannot go wrong.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Want to know God's will for sure and certain? Here it is!

Just Today

2011-10-27T18:33:00.000-04:00

My alarm clock must have one of the most annoying alarms in the world. Well, maybe not. Anything that disturbed those last sweet moments of sleep would be annoying.

Today was no exception. It intruded into my rest (cheeky little thing), and my first thoughts weren't pleasant. Oh, no. Another day. A different voice responded. No, no, that's not right. "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Better.

And so it goes -- back and forth with myself all day long. Can you relate? I'm learning that I have to talk to myself instead of listen to myself.

And what I've been saying recently: Just today. That's all you're called to handle. Just this day, right now.

There's so much I need to learn and so much I want to do. I feel small, sometimes overwhelmed, and very much like Solomon, who cried out something like, "Lord, help me! I'm just a child! I don't know whether I'm coming out or going in!"

But there is grace for today. For this moment, there is enough strength and hope and joy. When God's Word says that His grace is sufficient, I accept it and believe that it means for me, for today. No need to strain the eyes to see ahead. No time to listen to dismal thoughts of what-could-be. Today is what I have been given, so I will work and wait today.

I start small, with baby steps. Have one more practice session. Write another blog post. Make spaghetti for supper (and don't forget the tomato paste in the sauce this time). Spend time with some of my favorite kiddos tonight (I love Lily hugs!). And, maybe, bake chocolate chip cookies later -- the kind with mini chocolate chips that smell scrumptious and taste even better.

You know, today isn't so bad.

And, oh, I need to set my alarm clock for tomorrow.

David and Goliath - GNC style!

2011-10-24T20:31:00.000-04:00

Maybe you haven't noticed, but the after-school Good News Club staffed by our church is one of my favorite ministries. I love being able to go where the kids are, and I love the emphasis on the Gospel -- and have I mentioned that it's fun?

Today was especially exciting. Since Mrs. Betty, our usual Bible lesson teacher, is out of town, I was able to substitute for her. Our lesson was on David and Goliath, and we decided to have a little fun with it today. Take a look!

Our marvelous cast: David, Goliath, and King Saul

King Saul and David...regular hams! Love these guys.

Setting the stage. (And Drew always seemed to get me with my eyes closed or my mouth open. Thanks, buddy. ;)

Goliath challenges the army -- in a huge, booming, intimidating voice. It was awesome.

David tells King Saul what's what

King Saul doesn't look convinced

The showdown!

David winds up...

And Goliath is hit! The army of the Lord wins! (Applause is definitely appropriate here.)

It was fun, for sure. But there's a reason behind my persistent posting of GNC pictures, and I cheerfully repeat it. We need, want, and shamelessly ask for your prayers.

This is a mission field in our own neighborhood, filled with kids who need to see, hear, and experience the love of God. Not everyone can be involved, and not everyone is called to be involved.

But everyone can pray. Will you?

But then there was...

2011-10-20T16:24:00.001-04:00

But then there was laughter.

After a challenging weekend, I could say that this was just the opposite emotional reaction. Maybe it was giddiness from lack of homework. Or it could even have been the reminder that I really do enjoy homey little pleasures...laughter around the table, unhurried walks on the hill, singing with siblings over chores.

But I know better!

It was grace.

Forgiveness for my fears and failures to trust and clingings to my way. Power to overcome the constant temptation to give in once more. Patience when I come to Him, asking for forgiveness and help again. Truth to fix my heart on when lies cloud my thoughts. Joy to illumine even the simplest things. Hope for the future.

None of this is deserved, but it is poured out generously, lavishly, abundantly. "Grace unmeasured, vast and free." Think about that! So much grace that I can't put a number on it, so precious that I could never earn it, but given to surround me anyway.

Amazing.

"I will bless the LORD at all times;
   his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
   let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
   and let us exalt his name together!"

Psalm 34:1-3

The Door Opens

2011-10-17T19:53:00.000-04:00

So. What now?

For the past two-and-a-half years, my life has been organized around school. I was serious about going the "accelerated distance learning" route, so I did school year-round.

Now it's over, and I'm struggling, here. I thought that after I finished school, God would have the next step clearly laid out, and that it would be something like a ministry opportunity -- something good and useful. I thought I would slip into it as easily as I transitioned into CollegePlus! after high school.

But, you know, there's a very profound verse about my thoughts versus God's thoughts.

So, this is it for now, Lord? Staying home? Doing more with my family, helping out more around the house, having adventures in the kitchen. Continuing to work at church, loving my Good News Club kids, serving in small ways. Is this all?

Hmm. If I'm honest, I hear some pride echoing behind those statements. I studied hard, tried to give my best, and I was prepared for good results. What was I thinking -- that God saw how well I was doing and thought, "Wow. I can't wait until she graduates. I could really use someone like her!" It's not as though He's been pacing around, thinking that He could use my help.

Oh, please.

It seems as though doors have been closing around me. I've felt hemmed in. But maybe this humble way is my open door.

I have no right to tell God where I could best be used. He's not desperate for my help. I'm the one who needs Him. My place is to submit in obedience, even when it's not what I would have chosen.

Even when it's hard.

I will not despise this simple, quiet way He's set before me. I will go through the door He opens.

Thank You, God, for disappointments and things withheld that I thought would be good. Thank You for making me wait and humble myself before You. Thank You for an opportunity to trust and be still and wait quietly. Thank You for doors that open, even when it's not the door I expected.

So, What's the Plan?

2011-10-13T19:46:00.000-04:00

Hi, I'm Kori, and I'm a compulsive planner.

Okay, maybe I'm not quite that bad, but I do love lists. My planner is immutably positioned next to my laptop, filled with lists and scrawled reminders and schedules. Almost every item on my to-do list for today has a check mark beside it, so I'm feeling pretty happy.

Earlier this week, however, some of my plans didn't turn out like I thought they should.

Let me explain. I'm very close to being through with school -- my last paper was turned in tonight, actually. And I've been exploring where to go from here. I was being interviewed for a job I thought I would love; it involved things I enjoy, and had a strong emphasis on ministry. It seemed like perfect timing. God had come through again!

On Monday, though, I received a different answer. Thanks for your interest, but not now, they said. Check back next year. Maybe then!

Oh. Okay. No problem. I understand.

Well. . . I don't really.

Father, it looks like Your plans are different from mine, as usual. I was feeling confident and secure, and then You swept away my props, didn't you? Nothing left beneath but trusting.

You love to do that, don't You?

So, now I wait. I don't have a plan. I'm not sure where to go or what to do. But listen! I will trust and be still. God has never failed me. I rejoice already, because He has promised that He has good plans for me.

If He tells me there's a plan, I will believe Him. Even if I don't know what is is right now.

More Good News Club Pictures!

2011-10-10T19:21:00.000-04:00

"Can I sit next to you?"

She looked at me hopefully as Mrs. Betty began to teach the Bible lesson. I nodded, and she scooted across the floor, so close that our knees touched.

It's hard for kindergarteners to sit still. She squirmed a little and looked up at me with a grin, melting me with her big brown eyes. I smiled back, and nodded towards Mrs. Betty. Pay attention.

Her attention didn't last long. She fiddled with her name tag, and then grabbed my name tag and held the two together. I gave her what I hoped was a reproving look. She smiled again. Mischief sparkled in the brown eyes.

I gently pulled my tag away and tried to look intensely interested in the Bible lesson. She got the idea and settled down a little. I suppressed another smile, and looked at all the heads in front of me -- some with braids and beads, some with blond curls, some with sandy brown "buzz" cuts. Much variety, but all with the same need.

Open eyes and ears. These are precious kids, Lord. Please, save them.

Pray with me?

(Note: These pictures are actually from the previous school year...but these kids are still coming this year, so I decided to use them, since there wasn't a lot of time to take pictures today! Okay?)

Go on

2011-10-06T16:49:00.000-04:00

"...endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." 2 Tim. 2:3

I know I should. But let's be real. Let's be soul-baringly honest. Enduring hardness is . . . hard. A little voice wails inside, "I can't do it anymore. I've tried and tried, and I don't want to go on anymore. Look how I've failed already! Just leave me alone!" Poisonous whispers echo, "It's not going away, you know. It's not getting any easier. You really think you can keep going like this?"

I see through the nasty little trick. This is war, and I am a soldier. My enemy is waging a subtle attack to make me a worthless solider, and I recognize this for what it is.

So, how will I respond?

It's true -- I have failed. But I know where to look! The truth of Christ's redemption is even more powerful than the reality of my failure.

And, let's look at more truth: I wasn't promised an easy road. I wasn't guaranteed painless victories and laughable enemies. Discipline and denial of self are simply part of my marching orders.

But here's the part that my enemy would rather I forget. Joy waits on the other side. My Savior, the One who stands victorious, endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him. Hardness is indeed real, but that's not all there is.

With eyes on the Savior, affection set on things above instead of the fleeting things here, there is hope to press on. Go on in the power of promises:

sufficient grace,

love everlasting,

new mercies,

hope secure,

an understanding Advocate,

longings satisfied,

victory assured.

P. S. This song below seemed to fit. Love this!

Can you spare a moment?

2011-10-03T18:30:00.000-04:00

I know you're busy. Maybe your to-do list for today is miles long. But will you take a moment to separate the urgent from the critical? This half-hour movie posted below is critical. You could even say that lives depend on it. Will you watch it? And even pass it on?

Gripping the Pearl

2011-09-29T20:12:00.000-04:00

"Every man has a mission to perform in this world, for which his talents precisely fit him, and having found what this mission is, he must throw into it all the energies of his soul..." ~ Unknown

Where next, Lord? Which assignment has my name on it? For which mission have I been fitted? There are so many needs, so many places crying out for willing hearts and ready hands. Where next, my Counselor and Guide?

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and

dies,

it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears

much

fruit.

Whoever loves his life

loses it,

and whoever hates his life in this world will

keep it

for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must

follow me;

and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone

serves me, the Father will honor him."

John 12:24-26

I see. I'm not the one to decide where I'm most needed. Surrender is Your desire, isn't it, Father? A life joyfully, recklessly abandoned to You, going where You want, doing what You please.

You see the conflict in me, don't you, Father? I want that life. But I'm afraid. I see where You patiently, relentlessly press in my heart with the quiet insistence that all must be given to You.

Nothing withheld.

Everything poured out.

Life lost.

But see what is gained! Let Your love, power, and sound mind overwhelm my fear and banish it forever. When I love You most, the other desires fade.

I drop the stones to grip the pearl.

Sehnsucht Satisfied

2011-09-26T17:56:00.000-04:00

Sehnsucht. I first discovered that word in Mary Kassian's excellent book Girls Gone Wise. It's a complex German word that can't quite be explained in one neat English word. It roughly means something like longing or yearning. According to good ol' Wikipedia, C.S. Lewis called it the "inconsolable longing" for "we know not what."

It lurks beneath the surface of life. Sometimes it's quieted with entertainment or achievement, relationships or comfortable feelings of self-worth. But it's there, and I know it. When those things are stripped away and I'm left in the quietness of my own thoughts, it surfaces. It aches.

Does your soul long and yearn? Do you struggle with desires unfulfilled? Sehnsucht quivers in the deepest recesses of the heart. I face it, too.

I'm learning, though. Go to God's word, the precious resource! It even speaks to this undefinable, uncontrollable something. Come, see where I'm learning to satisfy my sehnsucht.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water....My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips."
Ps. 63:1, 5

"Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness."
Psalm 107:8-9

^"You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing....He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them."

Ps. 145: 16, 19

For My (Our) Mom

2011-09-21T16:43:00.000-04:00

Another birthday! Today is my mom's birthday, and once again, I decided to enlist the help of my siblings in writing a special birthday post.

I have a lot of sweet memories of times with my mom. Some of my early memories are of walks in the woods and trips to the lake, of sitting still while she brushed my hair, of learning to read with alphabet cards and songs. More recently, I think of chats on the front porch while she watered the flowers, or of "girl trips" to go shopping. If I ponder for just a moment, I can picture us laughing at crazy things we did....quoting movie lines (preferably from a Jane Austen movie!)....sneaking chocolate truffles....

But there's so much more. One of the things I most value about my mom is her love of scripture. Her face lights up when she quotes one of her favorite passages: "Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart..." (Jeremiah 15:16). And she strives to pass that love of God's word to her children. We don't always respond with overwhelming enthusiasm (sadly), but we do listen. Another thing that I value is her intentional modeling of what it means to be a Christian wife and mother. That's not a celebrated position in our society, but my mom is willing to be counter-cultural for us and for God. Though she doesn't have everything "figured out," and she still has struggles, I see how she encourages my dad and gives herself to her children -- and I admire her! Thank you for all you do, Mom! (Do you need tissues yet?)

And, now, some words from the peanut gallery!

From Emily - "I don't look like a peanut, do I Mom? Oh, well. I do appreciate all you do for us. The cooking, teaching, and loving us in spite of our extreme silliness. Thank you for your great example in the things you do and say. Now it's time for a random movie quote! "And Daddy, they took my boot!" We love you! Happy Birthday! P.S. I have some tissues!"

From John - "I want to start off by saying how I think (I know!) you are the best mother a son could have. You teach and tolerate me, even when I am either not cooperating or just goofing off. And I am so blessed to think of how you want to serve the Lord in your life, and you want to teach your children everything you have learned about the Lord. And I love the way you laugh at my jokes, even when they are not funny at all. And, with that, I love you, and have a wonderful, fun-filled, eventful, and glorious birthday! Love, John!"

From Lars: "When I was younger, my mom would talk to me about Jesus, and then, one day, I asked Mom if I could be saved, and she said that she would pray with me. And I appreciate all that she's done for us."

From Adam: "I think of my mom as a drill Sergeant/mom. She can be "ruthless" at times but also caring. She has always been an encouragement to me. She always pushes me to be the best I can be, even when I don't feel like it. I will always call her "shorty." Love ya mom!

Happy birthday, Mom!

First Day of Good News Club!

2011-09-19T19:59:00.000-04:00

Today was our first day back to Good News Club, and as usual, it was exciting. Thank you to all who prayed for us -- please continue to keep this ministry in your prayers! We "earnestly desire" (to borrow from the scripture) that you would pray for the salvation and spiritual growth of the children who attend. And, please pray that our teachers and leaders would have God's eyes and heart for these kids. I hope these snapshots into our day will help to put a face to your prayers!

Adam with his friend at the 4th and 5th grade table

A couple of our wonderful helpers!

Miss Emily answers a question


12 kids in 2nd and 3rd grade -- I was busy!

Sweet!

Opening Instructions

Memory verse time...I substituted for Courtney

Bro. Andy does his "angry face" during the memory verse...I laughed almost the whole time!

Songs with Bro. Andy

Bible Lesson with Mrs. Betty

The missionary story with Mrs. Annette...about a boy named "Bad weather"

Review game with Miss Emily -- Fun!

Piano Suite: Meditations

2011-09-15T14:21:00.000-04:00

It hit me the other day. I have less than two months until I'm finished with school. Entirely. It's hard to believe that the marathon is almost complete...though I have genuinely enjoyed it, I'm still counting down the days until I finish in November.

One of the last classes I'm taking before I graduate is a Liberal Arts Capstone -- not to go into too much detail, but for this class, I was able to choose a project to top off my degree. Since I discovered in my music theory classes that I enjoyed composing, I decided to explore it a little further, and composed the piano suite Meditations, inspired by three prayers from The Valley of Vision.

I'll spare you the fascinating and enthralling (and lengthy) paper that goes with these pieces, but I did want to pass these on. Though the prayers used as inspiration were written by others, they spoke deeply to me, and I realized that they strongly relate to my experience in the Christian life. You might even say that this is my testimony in music. So, such as they are, here are the videos of my pieces (with a little commentary):

Self-Deprecation

Sinful. Not good enough. The guilt is there, and I can't deny it: "my greatest snare is myself." I haven't been perfectly truthful, perfectly kind, perfectly loving. And I can't deny the justice of the punishment I deserve. Destined for an eternity without God in Hell, and I can't do anything about it. But something has been done. Someone has intervened.

Love Lustres at Calvary

This was the most difficult one to translate into music. I'm still not sure about this attempt. The main idea: Christ was cursed that I may go free, "tormented that I might be comforted." He was condemned that I may be forgiven. He died so that I can live. "Go forth, O conquering God, and show me the cross, mighty to subdue, comfort, and save." Glorious prayer.

Assurance
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I must say, this one is my favorite. Peace and security, firm knowledge that nothing can pluck me from God's hand or remove His love from me. I love the line from the prayer: "All the good things of life are less than nothing when compared with his love..." But within all this joy is longing -- longing to be like Christ, and longing for His presence.

And that was Meditations. Though I'm no professional, I hope the pieces still spoke to you. Thanks for watching!

P.S. I'm still considering these open for revisions, so feedback is appreciated. Feel free to comment!

9/11

2011-09-11T15:20:00.001-04:00

It was my 11th birthday, and I was excited. You see, for some reason, I had always associated something special with having your age match the date of your birthday. I had finally reached that milestone, and was turning 11 on September 11, 2001.

Unfortunately for me, this birthday fell on a weekday, which meant I still had to do school. Bummer. I was in the back bedroom of our house, watching a video for my 5th grade American History class. Ironically, my sleepy history lesson was jolted by American history in the making.

Mom rushed into the back room, trailed by an unidentified number of my siblings, and commandeered the television. As she switched from my history video to regular television, the first image we saw was a replay of the second jet smashing into one of the World Trade Center Towers.

I didn't completely understand what was going on. I don't think I had even heard of the World Trade Center before that day, and all of those events seemed so disconnected from me, a little girl in Georgia. As we kept watching, however, I picked up enough information to understand that this was an attack, and that many people had died. This was bad.

My memories of that day are few. I know that I soon had enough of the news report, and hid away in my room, wrapped in a blanket on my bed. It was a lot to process. Later that day, I wandered aimlessly outside, still trying to make sense of the things I saw -- and trying to pray, even though this was something so big that I wasn't sure what to say.

And after? Outwardly, my life wasn't dramatically affected by the events of September 11. After the initial outburst of patriotism and concern, other birthdays came, and the tragedy of that day was soon eclipsed by other birthday memories.

But, as I remember that day, I wonder -- did I take anything away? Did it make any impact on my life? What right do I have to say anything about that day, when others were touched so much more deeply?

As I wondered, I realized that I did take something away. It's not about me. This day that used to be "mine" is now marked for so many others. I may rejoice today, but I should also weep.

So, today, though I may celebrate, let me not forget. Let me feel the sorrows of others and lift them up in prayer. Let this day be marked with both joy and tears, remembrance and hope.

Counting my Blessings...

2011-09-08T21:06:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how many blessings God lavishes on me each day; He's so gracious and generous with the good gifts He pours into my life. The sad reality is that I often overlook them.

I don't want to live with that habit. Instead, I want to have eyes to see His gifts, and a heart that is eager to offer thanks and praise for them. So, today, here are just a few of the blessings -- some small, and some big -- He's showered into my life.

~Walks on the hill with my siblings

~Improvising flowy music at the piano...with the window open, and the breeze flowing in, and the birds singing, and....well, you get the picture

~Hugs from the kids in Cubbies

~The Psalms

~A long paper almost completed

~Morning glories growing along the side of the road

~Books by Elisabeth Elliot

And that's not even mentioning the "biggies," like salvation, a loving family, a strong church family, shelter, and food! As I began thinking, I realized that my list could go on for quite a while. What about you? What are some of the "overlooked blessings" God has given you today?

^"Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits"
Psalm 103:1-2

He Knows

2011-09-05T19:56:00.000-04:00

"For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."
Heb. 2:18

Jesus knows. This fact is so soothing to my soul. When I struggle with the temptation to sin, I sometimes come down hard on myself. “You’re still struggling with that? You’d think you could deal with that by now!” I view myself in frustration and disgust: “No matter how hard you try, you never get it right!”

But Jesus doesn’t respond with disgust. He doesn’t respond sarcastically with “Seriously? You’re coming about that again?” He responds with understanding, because He knows temptation through experience. As my High Priest, my Advocate, He intimately grasps my weaknesses, and doesn’t despise me for them. Instead, He sympathizes with them.

It’s not that He turns the other way when I sin or minimizes sin’s seriousness. Rather, He invites me to come to Him for the strength to resist sin. I shouldn’t try to handle it on my own anymore, for I fail miserably to resist temptation alone. I am too weak. Jesus, in contrast, never sinned, and enables me to resist sin. So, don’t give up! He knows temptation, and He also knows the escape routes.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

Come Away

2011-09-01T20:55:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have those impossibly long days? They seem to be filled with work to plod through, people to be patient with, and lots of inward chatter to silence. You really are trying your hardest and putting your best into it, but things still aren't going as smoothly as you'd hoped.

I'm too tired to trudge anymore. Instead, I think I'll run. You see, Someone called me, and I know that rest and refreshment, delight and joy are where He is. After meeting Him, I know I'll be ready to meet the challenges of the rest of the day. In Him, there is new strength, confident hope, and the ability to persevere.

So, what's holding you back? Come away!

"Yet I See Jesus..."

2011-08-29T12:28:00.000-04:00

A Romans 7 kind of day. I don't do the good I want to do, and I find myself doing things I despise. Wretched girl. "Still struggling with that temptation? Still battling that worry? Haven't you learned yet?" Failure in obedience, frustration with self, fickleness in love for Christ, and feeble ability to do any better. Awful feelings. Have you ever had one of those days?

Hush -- be still. There is no condemnation for me. Look at Jesus, my guilty self. See Him bearing your punishment. Mourn over your sin, yes, but don't wallow in it when Christ has already made you clean. And, rejoice in Jesus, weary self. Stop trying to be and do in your own strength. In Him, you have the power to live a righteous life. Remember, this wasn't your idea in the first place. You didn't chose Him, but He chose you. He said that He will finish the work He began in you, and He will. Trust Him.

"If I am not today all that I hope to be, yet I see Jesus, and that assures me that I shall one day be like Him." ~Charles Spurgeon

For My (Our) Dad

2011-08-25T19:50:00.000-04:00

Today, August 25th, is my dad's birthday. And so, in honor of him, I decided to write a special "birthday" post...with a little help from my siblings.

There are a lot of things that come to mind when I think of my dad. I think about the stories he told us kids when we were little -- fabulous stories about the adventures we had when we were "grown up," like when we uncovered the secret of the Bermuda triangle, or went inside Mount Rushmore and discovered a treasure. (And this was years before National Treasure came out!) I think of hilarious moments around the table after a meal when something strikes him as being funny, and he laughs...uncontrollably, so hard that he cries. We all laugh, too, even if we've forgotten what the original joke was, because we're laughing at him laughing. And I could go on about the lively games, witty banter (at least, we think it's witty), and altogether fun moments we've enjoyed.

Besides those lighthearted memories, however, there are other things that come to mind when I think of my dad. I think about his faithfulness in leading our family devotions. For as long as I can remember, I've heard my dad pray with my mom before he leaves for work, and, each night, he treks back to the kids' end of the house to close our day with prayer. I think of how he models ministry for us, not only encouraging us to serve the Lord, but providing a demonstration of service in our everyday lives. It's not that I have a perfect father, but I do have a father who is willing to be honest with his children about areas in which he struggles. He hasn't "arrived," but he is still striving to reflect Christ more in his life.

But don't simply take my word for it. Here are some thoughts from his other children....

From Emily: "One thing that I like about my dad is how he likes to make people laugh, and hardly a meal goes by where we're not laughing at something. He has us 'gusting a but' almost all the time! [Oh, wait, that should be "busting a gut!"] I also love our semi-regular trips to Dairy Queen!"

From Lars: "One of the things I like about my dad is he makes me laugh when he laughs, even though I have no idea why he is laughing."

From Adam: "I think of my dad as an encourager to live right. I think of a good leader. He's always been there for me. Even though I don't show it a lot I do like helping him whether it be in the sound system, or running the projector at church...well sometimes. ;) Anywho Love ya Dad!"

From a son who wishes to remain anonymous: "When I think of my dad, I think of how he sets a good example for all his children, and when I grow up, I want to be just like him. He does make all of us laugh, but he still provides strong spiritual leadership for our family. And so, with that, I love you, and happy birthday!"

We love you, Dad! Happy birthday!

No Time for Trifling

2011-08-22T13:02:00.000-04:00

"What is the secret to great living? Entire separation to Christ and devotion to Him. Thus speaks every man and woman whose life has made more than a passing flicker in the spiritual realm. Its is the life that has no time for trifling that counts." ~ Amy Carmichael

I certainly want my life to be more than a "passing flicker." But I feel like my life is filled with "trifling" things. Little tasks, little irritations, little distractions to constantly fend off, little services for others, little things done for God. Little me. Do you ever feel that way? Longing to do something for God, but not feeling like you're accomplishing much? I do. If you do as well, then let this quote from John Piper encourage you. Read it slowly...and then marvel.

"For the Christian there is always a connection between ordinary of life and the stupendous work of God in history. Everything we do in obedience to God, no matter how small[,] is significant. It is part of a cosmic mosaic that God is painting to display the greatness of his powers and kingdom to the world."

Small things take on a glorious appearance. Little obediences become precious gifts to bring to God. Small denials of self, small victories over sin, become chinks through which the light of God's glory can shine in our everyday lives. Insignificant opportunities to serve others are transformed into privileges to serve Christ in disguise, for when we serve the least of these, we're really doing it for Him. This kind of life matters.

I need to hear this, coming into the beginning of another ordinary week, filled with ordinary homework, ordinary chores, and ordinary events. Same ol', same ol'. Let this be a week in which God is glorified. Let it be a time in which the common things of life are done in an uncommon way for God's glory.

Answered Prayer

2011-08-18T21:18:00.000-04:00

I had a little surprise on Tuesday. Have you ever prayed about a specific matter, and then, when a "yes" answer hadn't arrived by the time you thought it should, assumed the answer was no? I did that, and then realized again that I am far from understanding how God works.

Let me explain -- I was trying to enroll for my final course before graduation. It's a specialized course, so I had to submit a proposal for approval before I could actually enroll. The proposal had been dutifully submitted at the end of July, but I hadn't heard anything back. I was afraid that I had submitted it one day too late. When I contacted the school about it, they said they never received it. Oh. I tried again, but it was just days before the registration ended, so I doubted that I would be accepted in time.

I admit, I was disappointed. This was the last course I needed to graduate, and if I didn't take it in time, it could push my graduation date back by months. Frustrating stuff.

At the same time, however, I was surprised at my lack of worrying. It was one of those lovely moments when the peace of God is more than a nice concept -- it was a strong, steady fact in my frustrating circumstances. I was prepared to accept whatever happened as coming from God and a part of His good plan.

The last day of registration came and went, and late registration started. No word. I accepted the fact that I would register a month later than I hoped, and possibly graduate later.

Then, on Tuesday, I received an unexpected email saying that my proposal had been accepted, and that I was clear to enroll. Even more, they waived the hefty late registration fee. Thank You, Lord!

God used this as a gentle reminder that His plans are quite different -- but always better -- than my plans. It was though He was saying, "See, I haven't forgotten about you. I'm working out even the small details in your life, so you can trust me for the unknown future."

And what about you? Is God working in your life in unexpected ways? Be encouraged that He hasn't forgotten about you. Trust Him to do "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think." (Eph. 3:20)

To visit the orphans and widows...

2011-08-14T15:55:00.000-04:00

God's work in this young woman's life is amazing. Her story inspires me to further obedience, to live all out for the Lord. It makes me want to live a life that proclaims the Gospel through actions, not simply words. It makes me want to live in a way that declares that "lovely are the ways of Christ." Check out her story!

Check out Katie's blog here: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

J. I. Packer on Waiting

2011-08-09T15:00:00.000-04:00

The word I needed for today:

" 'Wait on the Lord' is a constant refrain in the Psalms, and it is a necessary word, for God often keeps us waiting. He is not in such a hurry as we are, and it is not his way to give more light on the future than we need for action in the present, or to guide us more than one step at a time. When in doubt, do nothing, but continue to wait on God. When action is needed, light will come." J. I. Packer, Knowing God, p. 238-39

Tests!

2011-08-05T13:40:00.000-04:00

Today was The Day. For the past couple of years, I've been working on getting a music degree through the CollegePlus program. Not to go into a lot of detail, but a lot of it has involved credit by examination (basically, studying for a college-level course, then taking a test and getting college-level credit). Anyway, today was the day I finally took my last test.

The testing center is located on a university campus, but don't let the words "testing center" fool you. It's actually an older white house, with flowers in the front yard. They're still in the process of moving into this building, so today the center was littered with boxes and technical equipment waiting to be set up, and the aroma of fresh paint greeted me at the door. Inside was the matron of the Learning Center, a hospitable older lady with an unmistakable Southern accent -- the kind of lady whom you wouldn't be surprised to see welcoming people in for lemonade and cookies.

And, yes, this really was one of my favorite testing centers.

The test I took was called Fundamentals of Counseling. I'd been studying for a while, and felt that my grasp of the basic things like psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy, and all-important creed of accepting any worldview uncritically was pretty good. (My agreement, on the other hand, is another post entirely.) And...I passed.

But there was another test today. Remember when I mentioned that God had shown me some areas in which to obey? One of them involved giving my testimony card to the lady at the testing center. There are always reasons not to witness to someone. It could be awkward. What if she's offended? Or, maybe this sweet lady has been in church longer than I have, and so I don't need to give her a card!

But no. This was a test of obedience, and I wanted to pass it, so I prayed. God gave me grace to obey, and I did give her a card. It wasn't awkward. She wasn't offended. She didn't read it right then...there was no dramatic response. But I was obedient.

Though I went to the testing center for one specific test, I actually took two tests today. And, by God's grace, passed both of them. Soli Deo Gloria.

Faith and Feelings

2011-08-01T22:04:00.000-04:00

"Help me to honour thee by
believing before I feel,
for great is the sin if I make
feeling a cause of faith."

~from the Valley of Vision prayer "The Divine Will"

After the Conference

2011-07-28T19:36:00.000-04:00

July...it's a unique time of year around here. As a MMK (minister of music's kid) my life has revolved around a church calendar for as long as I can remember. (And I love it.) July is no exception. This is the month of our church's yearly Bible conference, when for four days, we hear bold preaching, sing passionately, and laugh and cry in the same service. "Amens!" abound, emotions are high, and most people leave wanting to live more for Jesus.

I want this year to be a little different, though. I don't want to leave with only the desire to live more for my Savior. No. Enough decisions without action. Enough emotions without tangible changes in my life. I want to be different. When my desire to live passionately for Christ was fanned, I didn't want it to blaze up for a brief moment and fade into everyday life.

My prayer was, "All right, then. I get the message. Now, what do I do?" Dangerous question, that. It shouldn't be asked unless you truly want to know. God quickly brought some things to mind. And now, will I obey? Will my life be different?

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2011-07-24T16:10:00.001-04:00

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore will I hope in him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
Lamentations 3:22-25

It's Good to Be Back...

2011-07-22T21:26:00.000-04:00

Well, after a couple of years of being (mostly) out of the blogosphere, I'm giving it another go.

School took up most of my time, but now that I'm close to being finished, I wanted to give blogging another try, in a new place, with a new look and a new title. Right now, I'm still in classes, so my posts will be sporadic at first, but I'm hoping to get into a blogging rhythm again.

More musings to come!